Eleven Questions to ask your (lying) Chemistry Teacher

Jonathan Smells Well
Fellow of the reDiscovery Institute

Reprinted from The reDiscovery Institute Proceedings, 2005


Ask your chemistry teacher all 11 chemistry questions. Ask your biology teacher the ten biology questions. (why only ten?)

1. LEWIS DOT STRUCTURES. Why do chemistry textbooks and Mendeleevists tell students that electrons are black dots, bonds are lines, and atoms are letters? It's a lie. X-ray crystallography and the Schrodinger equation prove that electrons are not black dots, bonds are not lines and atoms are not letters. Tell your teacher to: Teach the Lewis Dot Structure Controversy!


2. THE FIRST LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS. Why don't textbooks tell the truth about energy? Energy is not conserved. The First Law of Thermodynamics was broken by the discovery of nuclear energy. Mass and energy are equivalent and can be interconverted. Every time that feeble First Law of Thermodynamics is violated by new observations, desperate Mendeleevists borrow another accounting trick from Enron to preserve the appearance of conservation. Nature flaunts the first law. Arrest her! Lock her up! Stop insider energy trading. Teach the First Law Controversy!


3. THE SECOND LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS. The entropy of the universe is increasing? Does the Bible mention entropy? No! When God wanted to part the Red Sea, did he have to check in with a Mendeleevist to make sure he wasn't breaking the Second Law? No! This phony law is statistical hocus pocus that does not apply to a single molecule. So how can it apply to lots of molecules, like the Red Sea? Teach the Second Law Controversy!


4. THE THIRD LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS. A perfect crystal at O Kelvin has zero entropy? Has anyone ever seen a perfect crystal? No! Is anything in the universe that cold? No! Who needs a Law about some twisted Mendeleevist fantasy. Teach the Third Law Controversy!


5. QUANTUM MECHANICS. Hey teacher, do you really believe it? It only works for hydrogen! What about the rest of the Periodic Table? Forget it! Since it is impossible to find an exact solution to the Schrodinger equation for more than two bodies, quantum mechanics is just a lot of pointy-headed blue-state guessing. Teach the Quantum Mechanics Controversy!


6. MORE QUANTUM MECHANICS. Hey teacher, do you really understand quantum mechanics and the Schrodinger equation? (This one always catches them because, even though some people pretend to, no living human being understands the Schrodinger equation.) Keep on Teaching the Quantum Mechanics Controversy!


7. RESONANCE. Why do textbooks show some benzenes with one set of double bonds and other benzenes with different double bonds? Which one is right? Which one is wrong? Do you know the difference between right and wrong? Situational Ethics comes from Situational Electrons. Teach the Benzene Controversy!


8. AROMATICITY. Kekule had a dream about a snake that seized its tail and whirled before his eyes. The snake helped Kekule determine the structure of aromatic compounds. Ask your teacher why Mendeleevists are so easily seduced by the slithering symbol of evil and temptation. Teach the Aromatic Controversy!


9. DNA. Hey teacher do you know what DNA is? Why do Mendeleevists use the term Deoxyribonucleic Acid for what is really the conjugate base of Deoxyribonucleic Acid? Is phosphate an acid? No, its not an acid, its a base. Duh! There is no A (acid) in DNA. What Mendeleevists call Deoxyribonucleic Acid is really Deoxyribonucleate. Teach the DNA Controversy! Get the A out of DNA.


10. HUMAN CONDITION. Why are artists' drawings of molecules used to justify materialistic claims that we are just chemicals and that our existence is a mere accident -- when Mendeleevists happily succumb to snake temptation, and cannot even tell the difference between an acid and its conjugate base (like with DNA).


11. CHEMICAL PERIODICITY A FACT? Why are we told that Mendeleev's theory of Chemical Periodicity is a scientific fact -- even though it is an ever-changing theory? Teach the Periodic Table Controversy!

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